Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
