so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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