Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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