walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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