maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
