Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
