my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
