so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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