it wasn't lemon gatorade
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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