Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
