im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she told me i tasted like america
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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