I hate your face
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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