Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
