You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
