My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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