any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
