Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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