I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
