I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Are we still banned from the library?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I die, sorry about rent.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
