I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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