my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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