So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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