Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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