It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
