I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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