I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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