you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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