would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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