Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
