Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
