Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
