it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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