i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
