omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
