she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
