Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize