Plan B is the new Plan A
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
