do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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