I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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