I cannot find my penis.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
