She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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