theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
