What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they're like a gay fantastic four
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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