If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
