ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize