I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
