Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
