that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
