i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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