can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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