i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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