I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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