i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
