Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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