I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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