I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
