What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
